Feeling hurt and seeing everyone around me in the same state takes me to my writing instrument. As far as I recall these writings are on a piece of paper which is not a note book; usually it is scrap of paper, a card box of cookies toothpaste or just a brown bag torn open to become my canvas.. These small paragraphs usually get lost in the stack of things and are retrieved one day by luck. When I read them again, I notice the strike out lines, up and down arrows which would definitely make the reader's eye go up and down the text, or tilt the paper landscape, portrait and upside down with circled number referencing and connecting parts of the body or refer to the small text lines somewhere else on the paper.
Those who have minds that connect too many incidents and events simultaneously will understand what I mean. Such document needs a master mind to read the matter andfollow its continuity.
My first such writing was when I lost my father and could see my siblings around me as helpless as I was, I was missing how my dad helped me come out of many complexes I experienced at various stages of my life.
My youngest Zameer was 4 years old and shared my fathers birthday. I started looking at him as my father and when ever I went through pain I cried on his shoulder. His Shoulders were as strong as my fathers but this time it is different.
Looking at Zahid's departure from our lives, my husband turned 70 this year and my self 62. but my boys are 33, 32 and 24 respectively. Zahid was 28. Had he lived, how long did we have; to be with him, That would have been approx maximum one fourth of the time my children would have spent with him....
Our relationship with Zahid was vertical, he respected us very much and we enjoyed his dynamic personality and felt proud of him. Looking at his relationship with his brothers in this context, it was horizontal which had a wider arena and more concentration at the same level of understanding.As the sharing was effortless and bonding was very strong we were only observing them from above as parents but the real fun and sharing was taking place down there starting from zero point and slowly building layer by layer. as they grew.
There were times when the view from top was not very clear, as there was steam build up and an occasional layer of cloud, even then we were content because we knew the bonding down there is strong; I would just shuffle my feathers and make the dust and cloud scatter, making the view clear again, my stars began shining and spreading light and sparkles in our life. Last Sunday I saw the stars shining in the clear desert sky of Mhiit in Tharparker I could see the shiniest star of them all, blinking at me and saying "Hey mom look at me here I am", Yes I could see my son shining and happy, Joined by my trio I could still see the bonding which was not only life long but beyond.
"There is another world beyond the stars,my love and passion will be tested there"
Welcome to Zahid Suleman Memon Children's Library, Hilal Public School, Mithi. District Tharparker.
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